My Friends are Supposed to Protect Me from Myself!!

Ok, I thought I had great friends. I thought we had a very real "friendship bond" kind of thing with each other. They're my friends. They're supposed to protect me from my own innate stupidity!! Why weren't they there???

Problem #1 - They deluded me.
So, I thought, "Hmmm... There is this 8K race coming up. It's for a good cause, and maybe this will be the kick I need to lose the last 10 lbs. Sure, I can do an 8K. How hard can it be?" And my friends were supportive of me, and they said, "Absolutely, you can do it! I believe in you! You signed up, hooray for you!" Maybe it's my mistake. I didn't pick up on any sarcasm, and I didn't hear them laughing their heads off.

Problem #2 - They encouraged me in my madness.
I started training for the 8K, and I thought, "Yes, I will train and prepare. I am reasonably fit, and training will be good for me. How hard can it be?" And my friends were supportive of me, and they said, "You will feel so much better for doing this. You are healthy, and you will feel empowered. This is such a great thing that you are doing for yourself. You can train, no problem! I believe in you!" Again, I didn't hear sarcasm, but perhaps it's because my muscles were screaming too loudly.

Problem #3 - They didn't stop me when my stupidity gained ambition and momentum.
So, I'm out walking and jogging my little heart out (no, literally, I think my heart is coming out of my chest), and I stop at the Convention Center steps. Grandiose visions of a super fit and athletic me, running to the top of the steps, and just like Rocky, doing a very triumphant jogging dance filled my head. However, I can't leave Mr. Baby in the stroller because I am afraid of being arrested by some police officer, so what did I do? I put him on my shoulders and I ran up and down the first two flights of steps at the Convention Center - all seven sections. That's four times going up, and four times going down. I felt like my legs and butt were about to implode. And the first flight of stairs was fine, but with each flight after that, I became less and less like Rocky, and more and more like a beached whale trying to heft itself up the stairs. It was so sad.

I think I may need leg and butt transplants. Something has definitely gone terribly wrong with mine. Where were my friends???? Why didn't they stop me and say, "You know, this is not such a great idea." (And yes, I would like some cheese with my whine. As long as my cheese is cheesecake and my whine is a huge glass of Merlot with morphine!)

So I complained to my friends, and I told them that they let me down. These are a few of their responses:

"Are you trying to be Rocky?"
"Are you training for the Marines?"
"Well, quite frankly, you're crazy!"
"I would've chanced being arrested for child abandonment."

I was so upset! And then they got all supportive on me, and I lost my righteous indignation.

"I am so impressed!"
"You rock! I wish I was there to cheer you on!"
"You go, girl!"
"I still believe in you! And you will be so ready for the race."
"I know you can do it."
"I'll bring you some aspirin."

~And the one that broke me:
"Let's go walking, and I'll do the steps with you!"

Not only did my friends rally around me, comfort and sympathize with me, one of my friends actually came out and ran steps with me! How can you argue with friends who support you in your decisions, cheer you on through the pain and discouraging moments, and even volunteer to torture themselves right alongside with you?


............I have such awesome friends!

The Importance of Friendships ... With Other Parents

Before I was married, I had a free and fun social life. I took off for concerts, went out for dinners, hung out at clubs and bars, and visited friends at all times - even around 2am on a week night. There were no restrictions. Then I met my wonderful husband, and "we" had a fun and varied social life. We went to movies and concerts, explored restaurants, hit happy hours and dinner parties, and visited friends. It was just on a slightly more scheduled basis.

Then we had our baby, and he became the center of our universe. I left my job in order to be a full time mom, we cut back to one income for the family, and we moved to a new city to be close to relatives. We left our social network, our favorite hangouts, and most aspects of our former life. I must say that in the first year of parenthood, our social life dwindled to practically nothing.

This is not to say that we completely lost contact with our friends. We weren't close enough to visit, but we chatted on the phone and emailed frequently. However, when your friends are still single, and you are married with a child, there are some big differences in your lives. You no longer talk about the same things, and you don't have the same things in common anymore.

Once you become a parent, and especially if you don't have friends or relatives with children, you either talk endlessly to your own parents, or you start up random conversations with people you meet at playgrounds or the supermarket. These are your new peers, after all!

I have found myself comparing developmental milestones with parents, while standing in line at the store. It becomes socially acceptable for men to discuss their wives' bizarre pregnancy cravings and (alleged) moodiness. While on vacation (without our baby), we somehow met other parents on vacation (without their babies), and sat and talked for hours about how much we miss our kids!

I LOVE my single and DINK (double-income-no-kids) friends. However, as much as they love and support me, and much as they listen and sympathize with me, they cannot relate to the reality of parenting. Only parents can truly commiserate with the sleeplessness during a newborn's first few months. Only parents will understand deeply the frustration of the fourth leaky/poopy diaper of the day, and how that equates to a child, who is only a fifth your size, ending up with the majority of the household laundry. And only parents, who are sleep deprived and haven't showered in two days, can sit and watch the children of other unshowered, sleep deprived parents eat grass and playground woodchips, while their parents look on with mild concern, and instinctively understand that, unless the kids are choking on the woodchips, there's really no reason to get up off the park bench.

With other parents, there's a sort of instant camaraderie, as though you've fought alongside each other in the same war. It's as if they were with you in the jungles of "Teething Troubles," or diving to the floor with you during the "Climbing Phase."

I love all of my friends, whether they have children or not. A note to my single friends, I can't wait to hang out with you again. .....And I can't wait to recruit you for babysitting. Heehee! To all my parent-friends, thank you for your support, your insight, and your confessions. I'm glad to have found someone who can relate to my new reality! Also, to my single and DINK friends, don't think for a second that you aren't getting married and having kids. And don't think for a second that I won't be there for you when you are ready to celebrate your child's first tooth, or are seeking relief during your baby's second week of teething.