The Importance of Friendships ... With Other Parents

Before I was married, I had a free and fun social life. I took off for concerts, went out for dinners, hung out at clubs and bars, and visited friends at all times - even around 2am on a week night. There were no restrictions. Then I met my wonderful husband, and "we" had a fun and varied social life. We went to movies and concerts, explored restaurants, hit happy hours and dinner parties, and visited friends. It was just on a slightly more scheduled basis.

Then we had our baby, and he became the center of our universe. I left my job in order to be a full time mom, we cut back to one income for the family, and we moved to a new city to be close to relatives. We left our social network, our favorite hangouts, and most aspects of our former life. I must say that in the first year of parenthood, our social life dwindled to practically nothing.

This is not to say that we completely lost contact with our friends. We weren't close enough to visit, but we chatted on the phone and emailed frequently. However, when your friends are still single, and you are married with a child, there are some big differences in your lives. You no longer talk about the same things, and you don't have the same things in common anymore.

Once you become a parent, and especially if you don't have friends or relatives with children, you either talk endlessly to your own parents, or you start up random conversations with people you meet at playgrounds or the supermarket. These are your new peers, after all!

I have found myself comparing developmental milestones with parents, while standing in line at the store. It becomes socially acceptable for men to discuss their wives' bizarre pregnancy cravings and (alleged) moodiness. While on vacation (without our baby), we somehow met other parents on vacation (without their babies), and sat and talked for hours about how much we miss our kids!

I LOVE my single and DINK (double-income-no-kids) friends. However, as much as they love and support me, and much as they listen and sympathize with me, they cannot relate to the reality of parenting. Only parents can truly commiserate with the sleeplessness during a newborn's first few months. Only parents will understand deeply the frustration of the fourth leaky/poopy diaper of the day, and how that equates to a child, who is only a fifth your size, ending up with the majority of the household laundry. And only parents, who are sleep deprived and haven't showered in two days, can sit and watch the children of other unshowered, sleep deprived parents eat grass and playground woodchips, while their parents look on with mild concern, and instinctively understand that, unless the kids are choking on the woodchips, there's really no reason to get up off the park bench.

With other parents, there's a sort of instant camaraderie, as though you've fought alongside each other in the same war. It's as if they were with you in the jungles of "Teething Troubles," or diving to the floor with you during the "Climbing Phase."

I love all of my friends, whether they have children or not. A note to my single friends, I can't wait to hang out with you again. .....And I can't wait to recruit you for babysitting. Heehee! To all my parent-friends, thank you for your support, your insight, and your confessions. I'm glad to have found someone who can relate to my new reality! Also, to my single and DINK friends, don't think for a second that you aren't getting married and having kids. And don't think for a second that I won't be there for you when you are ready to celebrate your child's first tooth, or are seeking relief during your baby's second week of teething.