Nature is Mean and Vindictive

We are renting a house at the moment. There is a mini rose bush in the front yard. (It is a mini-rose bush, not a mini rose-bush. That is, it is a rose bush with small, mini roses. The bush itself is not small in the least.) When we moved in, it was so horribly overgrown that it was growing through the fence, slowly bending and breaking the wooden planks. It hung over the driveway, and we couldn't park near the fence because if we did, we would get a face full of thorns when we opened the car door. The wind would blow off the rose petals which would stick to our cars and ruin the paint. It was a mean, thorny, prickly, woody bush which seemed to scream, "Go Away or I will Pierce You!"

This didn't work for me. I am more social and inviting than the bush. I enjoy the occasional visitors to our home. I also like the option of parking in my driveway with the ability to exit my car without being blinded. At first I tried reasoning with the rose bush, but it was very negative and unwilling to compromise. Then I thought, "This is silly. This is our home. That rose bush needs to comply with our standards of living." So, I pruned it back. Way back. I hacked off everything which hung over and through the fence, and I trimmed it down so that it was level with the fence top. Lovely! No thorns in the face, no petals and leaves everywhere, no broken fence, and no scary thorn bush to intimidate people. Everything nice and neat.

Although it had a thorny, scratch fit at the time of it's pruning, I thought the rose bush had learned it's lesson. However, I now know that it was merely biding it's time and plotting it's revenge. Can you believe it had the audacity to grow? And it didn't grow out into a lush and full flowering lawn ornament. It grew up and over the fence ~ again! I know it was doing this just to spite me. So I kept trimming it so that it stayed level with the fence. Unfortunately, the rose bush got cocky and grew very large, very thick, and very thorny branches which I couldn't snip through. I'm quite certain that it spent much of last fall formulating this strategy, which it put into effect quite quickly once the weather became warm.

Today, I realized that it was already as tall as me, and that it had an arsenal of rose buds ready to burst into bloom above the fence line. This rotten bush had prepared a rose petal ambush for my car! So I decided, "This plant needs to be put in it's place." I picked up the secateurs, and went into battle. Now, anyone who thinks I'm going overboard here, has never had to prune a vicious and recalcitrant thorn bush. (Don't believe me? Read about this poor grandmother who had all her toes amputated because a rose thorn stabbed her.) This mean plant drew blood! At one point, I had half a branch hanging from my arm by the thorn embedded in my flesh. My fingers were stabbed and pierced, and I dripped blood on the secateurs as well as on the plant. I had to retreat briefly, and I went to the house where I washed off my blood, and my husband poured hydrogen peroxide over my wounds.

And now, I have to give thanks to my husband, who saw blood pouring out of my fingers, and decided that no uppity plant was going to treat his wife that way. .....Or possibly it's because he felt sorry that I was being speared and gouged during my pruning activities. (Chivalry is alive, my friends!) Firstly, he denied my request for the large cleaver to hack the bush into submission. Instead, he brought out heavy duty pliers (I didn't know we were allowed to use those tools for gardening activities), and he hacked and trimmed until that mini-rose bush became a mini rose-bush.

The plant has definitely been put in place. It is about 2 feet shorter, and a great deal thinner all over. I can say that it is now a proper lawn ornament, petite and groomed. However, I don't for a moment think that it's spirit has been broken. Even though it looks welcoming, I know that it is sitting there gathering energy for a huge growth spurt. It will sit there and heal, and it will quietly plot it's revenge.

Meanwhile, I am going to put Neosporin on my stab wounds, and I will sharpen the secateurs. I'm not fooled, you vicious rose bush. I've got my eye on you.

Time Out for a Pick-Me-Up

Do you ever feel like you just need a lift? Something cute and cuddly, or warm and fuzzy, or just happy and fun? After a week and a half of being sick, taking care of sick people, and just generally dealing with non-stop illness, I am ready to sit back and be entertained. I don't know if you need a pick-me-up, but I know I can use one!





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I Don't Have a Magical Wonder Baby

I am sick. This means that my child is also sick. I tried to save him from this vicious bug. I washed my hands repeatedly, I used Purell in between, I used the Kleenex Anti-Viral tissues, I sprayed Lysol everywhere. He got sick anyway. At first I felt guilty, then I realized: this is my child who likes to sneak up when I'm not really paying attention and bite my toes and fingers. This is my child who cuddles into me lovingly, then licks my nose and laughs hysterically while I splutter, gag, and search frantically for a sanitizing wipe. There was no way he was NOT getting sick.

Having a sick child is difficult for many reasons. It's very hard to see my child crying and rubbing his nose because he can't breathe. He doesn't sleep well, he's excessively cranky, he doesn't want to eat or drink, he has the most incredibly foul, toxic farts, and he has the runs which no diaper in the world can contain. Also I end up sleep deprived and without energy, which doesn't help because I need my full concentration when dealing with Mr. Baby.

But I must say, my main frustration is that all the tools I have to work with are designed for a Magical Wonder Baby, which my baby is not. My little guy is super congested, but he doesn't know how to blow his nose yet. People have told me to use that nasal aspirator (otherwise affectionately known as the snot bulb) and saline spray. These are very useful tools ..... if you happen to have an MWB (Magical Wonder Baby). An MWB will tolerate these things being shoved up his nose so that they may aid his breathing. My boy fought me like ... like ... well, like I was shoving things up his already clogged nose. When MWBs are ill, they are lethargic and they sleep a lot. My boy is ill, and he won't sleep .... or sit still, or rest, or take comfort in anything that would help him feel better. He is irritable from fever, lack of food, lack of fluid, and lack of sleep, but he insists on staying awake and feeling worse. My Mr. Baby has a fever which hovers around 103.5 degrees, and this makes him very uncomfortable and irritable. MWBs are still and quiescent while having thermometers inserted in various places. They instinctively know that it's for their own good and nobody is actually trying to skewer their brains through their ears. They also rest, nestled into the loving embrace of their parent, and wait patiently for the thermometer to finish reading their temperature. My child sees the thermometer and buries his head into whatever is close. If, by some miracle, I manage to get his head in the correct position, he moves before the thermometer is able to get an accurate read. This usually results in a recorded body temperature of around 92 degrees, even though I could fry an egg on my boy's blazing hot head. MWBs would happily ingest the dropper full of cherry flavored Tylenol or Motrin so that their fevers would drop, and they would feel better. My boy prefers to scream and shake his head wildly as I wrestle him into a position where I can hastily squirt the medicine in the general vicinity of his mouth, then hope that some of it made it in. I then chase him around for a few minutes trying to wipe the red, sticky medicine smear off his face and hands, and the chair, the rug, the blanket, and the pillow.

I don't have a Magical Wonder Baby, and doing anything to help my poor, sick guy is a struggle. But one look at Mr. Baby's flushed tomato-red cheeks and his glassy eyes, and I get ready to pin him down again. Who knew that love is always being ready to put your child in a half nelson for his own good?

Yes! Another Parental Triumph!

My baby is going through a super picky phase right now. (At least, I hope it's a phase.) The wonderful veggies he used to eat have suddenly become Baby-Kryptonite. His morning ritual of Cheerios and/or Puffins cereals is no longer welcome. The last two evenings, my last-resort standbys "rice" and "noodles" were completely unpalatable.

I was on the verge of a breakdown. I couldn't get him to eat cereal, crackers, rice, noodles, or anything remotely food-ish. Now, I realize that my baby is not starving. He is, after all, in the 90th percentile as far as weight. He's quite a healthy boy, actually. I realize he's not going to starve if he decides to skip a meal or two, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about his health and nutrition, his calcium and protein intake, or his blood sugar and energy levels!

And then I realized: even though he turns down every type of food, he always drinks! He will drink juice, milk, and water at all times of the day. BINGO!!

Now, on occasion, when he's decided he doesn't want any dinner, I have given him a PediaSure instead of regular milk for his last drink before he goes to bed. It is a complete source of nutrition, and a good way to make sure he gets enough healthy calories. However, I also like to give my boy options and get him used to different tastes. So, I've started giving him different smoothies and shakes. He loves them!! All kinds of fruit, soft tofu, soy milk, and even some Benefiber to help fill him up. I control what goes in, and I feel good about giving him something healthy, delicious, and filling.

I realize I'm not the first parent to think of this, but I'm sure there are other parents out there who are struggling. If your baby is really picky, maybe try one of these easy recipes. Hopefully, your little food critic will give it two thumbs up!

Mango Lassi
Anyone who has been to an Indian restaurant will likely recognize this.
1 cup plain yogurt (I use fat free 0% Total Fage Greek yogurt)
2-3 large ripe mangoes, peeled and stoned
1/2 cup plain or vanilla soy milk
Sugar to taste

Throw it all into a blender and blend for 2-3 minutes, or until smooth. If your fruit is very ripe and sweet, you may not need any sugar. Serve immediately. If you use fat free Fage, and no added sugar, this recipe is about 380 calories for the entire blender of lassi, and is also quite rich in protein, calcium, and vitamin C.

Soy & Fruit Smoothie
1/2 cup soft silken tofu
1 cup plain or vanilla soy milk
1 cup of the fruit of your choice. I like to use frozen berries (strawberries, blueberries, etc.), and bananas or other pulpy fruits work very well.
Sugar to taste

Throw it all into a blender and blend until smooth. Depending on the fruits you use, you may have to add more soy milk. This recipe is also rich in protein and calcium.

Feel free to experiment with this, as it is such a versatile smoothie. Try a chocolate-peanut butter-banana smoothie, or a strawberry-orange-banana smoothie. My favorite flavors are frozen blueberry smoothies (for the antioxidants), and pumpkin smoothies, which are very rich vitamin A, and good sources of fiber, potassium, vitamin K and iron. If you don't like the soft tofu, use plain yogurt. The point is to give your baby a protein, calcium, and vitamin-mineral rich meal replacement. It's also a great dessert for the whole family!

I wish my boy would eat his spinach, chicken, noodles and other food. But since he's quite set on being finicky right now, I'm happy to let him drink up a yummy smoothie. When babies get picky, parents adapt and slip in the nutrition any way they can. Ha! Another point goes to the parents!