When I grow up ... Or am I already there?

When I graduated high school, I thought I would feel all grown up. Then I went to college, and I felt like a kid pretending to be mature. When I had my 21^st birthday, I thought that would make me an “adult,” but I was working and paying bills, and learning horribly awful financial responsibility lessons. (To eat out or to buy shoes? *sigh*… Neither, because the rent is due.) I realized that I was still a kid learning to make it in a “grownup’s world.” When I got married, I thought that was certainly the point of Adulthood. However, my wonderful husband loves and pampers me, and I readily admit that I am, perhaps, more of a child than ever when I am with him. (The trash is stinky, Honey, please make it go away. Honey, there’s a giant spider monster in the bathroom!! Kill it, kill it!! I’m sad today. Would you please bring me some happy chocolate?) When I had my son, I thought, “Now I am truly an adult! There is nothing more grownup than becoming a parent!” And then I realized that I had no clue what to do with an upset, crying, shrieking baby who couldn’t just tell me what was wrong. …So I called my mommy and daddy who came over and made it all better. That day, I believe I regressed to my 8 year old self.

Sometimes it seems that I have been waiting for eons to cross that magical line in the dirt. You know, the line that separates children from adults. Once you cross the magical line and step through the “Grownup Gate,” you will suddenly know who you are, what you want to be, you have a career, your life is in order, and you can program the clocks on every single appliance in your entire house. I thought that reaching certain milestones would grant me the “Adult” status for which I have been searching. Instead, I found validation when I least expected it – at a tea party.

When I was growing up, my parents would have parties and get-togethers at our house. My dad would clean up the house, and my mom would be in the kitchen cooking fantastic meals. I was merely the assistant, running to get her platters, stirring the food, and setting the table. During the evening, guests would inevitably migrate into the “men’s group” and the “women’s group.” My mom and all the aunties would sit around and talk, kids would come running up to grab more food, and my dad and the uncles would be chatting away in the living room.

While talking with one of my friends, she mentioned that she had never had afternoon tea. I mentioned this to my mom, and she said that one of her friends had no idea what afternoon tea was. So I came up with the brilliant idea to hold a tea party for them so that we could all get together, and they could experience afternoon tea.

My mom agreed to have the tea at her house; after all, not only do my parents have a dining area for entertaining, my mom also has a full tea set complete with serving platters and things. Whereas I, …well, I live in a house with padded corners and furniture, which has been sectioned off into smaller, baby-proofed areas. It’s great for our baby, but we’re just not set up for entertaining.

I got to my parents’ house around 9:30am, figuring that I had plenty of time to make sandwiches. For goodness sake, they’re just sandwiches, and we weren’t having tea until 1:00pm. Wow, was I mistaken. Have you ever timed how long it takes to chop items like onions, pineapple, water chestnuts, or walnuts? Then I underestimated the time for mixing each individual sandwich filling. We had six different types of sandwiches, and I made the fillings for four of them. At 12:00pm, I had just started the first of the sandwich constructions. Thank goodness for my awesome friend who came early and helped put things together. She was better than a knight in shining armor. She was my princess in fashionable sweater-shirt ensemble with coordinating shoes! And no one knows tea like a princess. (You know who you are! Thank you for all your help! You so rock!) My mom baked some savoury puff pastries, and between the three of us, we got things plated, arranged on two tables, and tea was ready to be served shortly after all the guests arrived.

It was a very nice tea. We had plenty of food, tea, and lively discussion. Pot after pot of tea was served, all the savouries and scones were devoured, and the dessert table was considerably lightened by the end of the evening. The men ended up sitting in the living room, talking and sipping spirits, I was with the women sitting around the table, continuously munching and swapping stories, and the kids ran back and forth between groups, grabbing more food and playing around. With the help of my husband and father, who were both such wonderful hosts and babysitters, I was able to play hostess and keep people fed and entertained.

After everyone had left, I helped clean up, wash dishes, put away food, and place the tea set back in the display cabinet. While I was rinsing off the Brie and cracker platter, my mom said to me, “Very good. You did very well for your first party.” And that’s when I felt it.

This was my party. I thought of it, I invited people, I created the menu, prepared the food, and played hostess. I was the one running back and forth to the kitchen filling teapots and food trays. I was the auntie sitting at the table with the women, occasionally with a child (my own, or my friend’s) on my lap. My friends are "aunties" to my son. My husband was the uncle sitting with the men while kids crawled through his legs.

I’d like to say, “When I grow up, I will have a real party that will be perfect.” Granted, this was not a perfect party. I ruined the second batch of scones, I didn’t allow enough time for my food prep, and I could have brought some children’s DVDs to help the kids stay occupied. But how much more perfect can I expect? Overall, it was a successful party and people enjoyed themselves. I got to hang out and socialize with fun people, I enjoyed myself tremendously, and I can honestly say that I would do this again willingly.

Maybe “When I grow up” is now, and maybe I’ve been an “Adult” for longer than I thought. Then again, I have a tummy ache from eating too many goodies at tea yesterday, and I think somebody should be taking care of me.