The Cookie Made Me Do It

Have you had a tough day? Did you give in to temptation? Did you skip your workout? You're not alone, and if you're like me on my weak days, it's completely not your fault. These are some of my favorite diet excuses. Some I've used, some I've heard, some came to me through email. Feel free to share your excuses. And remember: A good, hard laugh burns calories.

• I have to eat something sweet to get the taste of (fill in the blank) out of my mouth.
• We're so close, we might as well stop in for a nummy!
• I had a dream where I turned down chocolate cake and something bad happened. Better safe than sorry.
• The cookie made me do it.
• It's not just my birthday. It's my whole birth-month!
• But I'm still hungry.
• You can't go out for dinner and NOT have a dessert!
  
• Well, I'll just cheat tonight, and I'll start my diet again tomorrow.
• This cookie is broken, so the calories fell out of it.
• But I'm sharing this cake, so that means all the calories are cut down by 75%.
• This is a 100 calorie chocolate bar, so it's ok if I eat five of them.
• Popcorn doesn't weigh much, so it can't make me gain much.
• I couldn't say no to birthday cake. That would be rude!
• But it's just not a bagel without cream cheese!
• The donuts were lonely.
• Drinking a diet soda cancels out the calories in dessert.
• I was just showing the baby how to eat an ice cream sandwich.
• The brownies were calling my name.
• I'll only eat the pie and the ice cream, I'll leave off the whipped cream.
• I needed something to go with my coffee.
• Life is short. Eat dessert first.
• The baby didn't finish the cookies, and I don't want to waste them.
  
• You're supposed to eat foods of different colors. Carrots, spinach, jelly beans, Skittles, M&Ms.....
• I'm working out more, so it's ok if I eat more.
• I'm getting in shape. Round is a shape.
• I'm just tasting it. .....All of it.
• Chocolate comes from beans (cacao beans), and sugar comes from plants (sugar cane or sugar beets). So Chocolate is a vegetable.

I know I'm not the only one using these excuses. And I know my excuses are lame and cheesy, but I use them anyway. At least when I see them in print, it's harder to justify my bad eating habits. *sigh* It's so hard to be healthy when being unhealthy tastes so much better!

The New Miracle Toddler Diet

Hahaha!! I love this!! I got this in my email, and it is one of the most truthful diets around. I couldn't find any author information online, but it's a great read. I hope you enjoy it, and start your week off with a smile!




Each new year brings an onslaught of new diets. The trouble is, most people don't get enough to eat when dieting (the starvation diet), or not enough variety (the liquid diet), or they go for broke (the all meat diet). As a result, people either "cheat" or quit dieting after a few days. Is there nothing one can do but blame their body size on a gland problem? Well, now there is the "New Miracle Toddler Diet.

I've noticed that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me over a cup of black coffee and a carrot that perhaps it's what they eat. So after talking with pediatricians, x-ray technicians, and distraught moms, I was able to formulate this diet for adults. It's inexpensive and provides lots of variety.

Before embarking on this diet, however, please check with your doctor. Otherwise, you may have to see him/her afterwards.

Day One

Breakfast:
One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg and dump the rest on the floor. Take bite of toast and smear the jelly on face and clothes.

Lunch:
Peanut butter and banana sandwich, glass of milk. Spit out several bites of sandwich. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Snack:
Two pennies and a nickel, 3 sips of stale soda found in family room.

Dinner:
Mashed potatoes, chicken fingers and carrot coins, glass of milk. Pour milk on mashed potatoes and finger paint table top. Eat half of chicken and toss rest at brother. Stick carrot coins wherever possible.

Day 2

Breakfast:
Pancakes with lots of syrup, glass of milk. Eat pancake with fingers, rub in hair. Stuff pancake in glass of milk.

Lunch:
Two crayons (non-toxic), any color, picked up from floor. Nibble on dog biscuit spilled from box in cupboard.

Snack:
Lick all-day sucker until sticky; take outside. Drop in dirt; retrieve and lick clean. Bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner:
Macaroni and cheese. Eat half with hands; feed rest to dog. Pull off that stale gum stuck under the table and enjoy for dessert.

Day 3

Breakfast:
Quarter tube of toothpaste (fluoridated), bit of soap and bite of Kleenex. Pour glass of milk on cornflakes, add sugar and mix. When soggy, refuse to eat.

Lunch:
Two matches (unlit), half a tube of "pulsating pink" lipstick, half a cup of strawberry yogurt; leave lots on face.

Snack:
Find that sucker and lick off the fuzz. Stick to the cushion of your best chair.

Dinner:
Spaghetti and meatballs, eaten strand by strand. Roll meatball across plate many times; cut in quarters and leave on plate. Nibble on stick of mascara for dessert.